Fei's Fantabulous Journal of Giving No Fucks #ZFG (tm)

[fei]

How many points is this picture? 

Edit: Actually, nobody needs to see that lol. I forgot I have a real job now. 

Instead, here's a picture of a kitten. 

[fei]

Um. These people kinda still suck at reading directions. Why are they posting crap that's already been done? Lolol.

[fei]

Annnd, shortly after I posted that I realized I, in fact, had posted a picture that someone else had done already. Ooopsy!

In other news, Aaron shows his true colors and quits the game. Disappointed but not surprised. David almost quits the game, not surprised and really couldn't care less. HONEY quits the game. I am devastated and hope she's ok.

Then, my very favorite challenge, the one that I ALWAYS look forward to, ends up not really mattering for anything in this game besides some rupees, which I may not even be around long enough to use. And, I realize what I love so much about this challenge is the camaraderie it brings to a tribe, and the fact that I'm essentially going it alone makes it much more, well, lonely.

I don't know. While I'm grateful that all this drama helps to bring me out of the fray to a certain extent, it really makes me a bit more lackluster about the game as a whole. I can't stand all the complaining and petty fights and immature comments in the Basecamp--makes me want to scratch my eyes out. 

I'm not a quitter and I #nevergiveup. Right now though, I'm just feeling a bit unmotivated. 

[fei]

Ironically after Brookiegate, I am feeling much better about the game? Like, I don't have to hide shit anymore. Literally no fucks left to give. FINALLY, I CAN LIVE OUT MY DREAM! I'm like 3% worried about the fact that she "exposed" something basically I've told everyone already. But I suppose you never can be sure. 

In other news, Woods is probably the worst player I have ever encountered.

[7:56:32 PM] Woods: did you get him playing, or did he get you playing?
[7:56:34 PM] elizabeth.fei: like knew that we knew eachother
[7:56:50 PM] elizabeth.fei: oh i didn't know he was applying
[7:56:53 PM] elizabeth.fei: at all
[7:56:54 PM] elizabeth.fei: lol
[7:57:00 PM] Woods: ha, interesting
[7:59:42 PM] elizabeth.fei: yup
[7:59:59 PM] Woods: it is what it is
[8:00:02 PM] Woods: im not mad at you
[8:00:21 PM] elizabeth.fei: i didn't think you would be. i told you i knew greg
[8:00:21 PM] Woods: it works out really.. b/c im sure u and greg are working together.. so if u want. greg can work with us too..
[8:00:22 PM] elizabeth.fei: lol
[8:00:50 PM] Woods: we get this core group... make the merge and then let the best win
[8:00:55 PM] Woods: thats how these games should be played.

Like seriously? He is the least tactful person on the entire planet. This comment, in addition to the way he treated Animal after he won immunity ("No offense, but I'm just gonna PM the host to ask what happened!") leads me to believe he's nothing but a sore loser/egomaniac ogre. BAI Bitch.

My rough plan for now is to keep with what I was intending. I'm anticipating that none of the group of seven really gives a shit about me knowing Greg (hopefully) so I'm anticipating that's still in tact. Sooner or later that seven is going to break up, and the Core 4 of Nax, Ricky, Nicole, and Brenda (and behind the scenes Jedda) are going to take control of the game (probably by trying to oust either Greg or me in a dramatic "blindside"). I need to start pimping Jermaine who is the odd one out and hook up with him and Joe. Since the core 4 has Jedda behind the scenes, I'll have to abandon my lost aussie love in favor of someone with a bigger target OR someone I can trust-- I'm thinking Animal or Zack. In terms of targetage, Animal is a better choice because he's a major challenge THRAT, but I've got more of a foundation of trust with Zack. I say foundation because the trust is not entirely there. He's always asking these questions that he probably thinks sound super innocent and really aren't. I'm also interested in Quanz right now because he just seems so benign and let's face it--that's all I really need right now. I don't really see use for Lexi at this point, and she has not initiated a convo with me since before I went into hiding. 

[fei]

ANND just as I say that, I see that Lexi wins MVP for round 1. Maybe I didn't underestimate her after all.

[fei]

Overestimate? IDK.

[fei]

Episode 3

I'm sorry hosts/helpers. By no fault of your own, this is absolutely the most painful, frustrating, horrible, game I have ever played.

In just 3 rounds, my character has been attacked, I've been called mentally challenged, racist comments have been made about me, insults have been hurled at my friends, and for what? Because I came into the game knowing a few people? Because I was too social at the beginning? I mean these are mistakes on a game level, clearly, but do they warrant how I've been treated as a person thus far? 

When I play these games I play as myself--nobody else. I've met some of my best friends in this community because I allow me to be my full authentic self. I'm not acting. Alternatively though, when people sling shit in my direction it hits me-- not the fake ass persona that I've created for myself online. Me. The same me that has to get up in the morning to go to work, and talk to my boyfriend, and interact with people in real time. 

I have never quit a game. And I'm not saying I will. I've encountered every archtype of horrible ORGer in this game: inactives, divas, shit stirers, liars, petty complainers, you name it. But if all of this is a plan to break me and get me to quit, I wish people would just let me know and vote me out. I don't even have the mental energy to be paranoid about who's talking to Brookie about what I say in the SDS chat. I just don't. 

I'm not trying to whine or be emo or whatever but I am just really frustrated right now. 

[Sandy]

I LOVE YOU FEI!

Casting you in this game was one of the BEST decisions we've made at iSurv1vor. It KILLS me that this season has stared out this way. No idea casting such diverse people would result in pretty vile personalities surfacing in some, where as others know its a game an focus on relationships and strategy.

If you do quit, Fei, I understand because this is supposed to be fun. But please, know that even if it doesn't feel like it at times in the game, people do have your back (viewers) and are rooting for you.

It will get better.

[fei]

Thanks Sandy. I'm still upset, but will see how this challenge plays out and how I feel.

Hatched a rough plan for this challenge this morning. Attack Joe, get him to the bottom TC with Greg, bumps Brenda up to the middle. Wait 'til the last minute of the challenge and post a bunch of spam. Say I want to go to the bottom TC to vote for Brookie and be with Greg, nobody would even be surprised. Get sent to bottom TC. Vote out Brookie with Joe/Greg/Me/Jordan. Rejoice.

[fei]

It's cute that Zack came up with the same plan as me like an hour after I did

[Sandy]

Oh the webs being woven!

[fei]

I would also like to add to the list of terrible ORGer archtypes: People who passive aggressively try to get a rise out of you by posting in the public chat. #noclass

[fei]

[3:17:18 PM] Greg L: also I just talked to Ricky
[3:17:37 PM] Greg L: he SAYS that his top choices for amulet is you and me
[3:17:49 PM] elizabeth.fei: BULL.SHIT.
[3:17:59 PM] elizabeth.fei: FUCKING BULLSHIT AS EVER

[fei]

What I really want to post when the time comes for me to do my run of intentional fuck ups at the end of this challenge: 

[fei]

Well, I gave it the good old college try. We'll see what happens.

On the bright side, I'm having lunch with Kirin and Tony tomorrow <3