Day #24 - Confessionals / Conversations / The Final Battle.

[reeki]

I probably played the strongest game up until the point of the merge and one of the few things I didn't allow myself to have was some humility. I wasn't rude or crazy, but I went for everything I wanted done and I didn't hold back. No one likes to see a strong player dominate almost half the game. The reason I am here right now is because I let myself get comfortable being perceived as the big power player and I didn't care. It's funny how things change when you start to get negative reactions. I feel like I am a pretty level headed and I have come along way to be this type of person. My only hope in this game right now is to be likable and to be less aggressive. My days are numbered, there is nothing going to stop that -- now I need to make sure I have more then just one day left.

My powerful alliance has been brought to the surface and through the past few rounds I've lost Lexie, followed by Nicole and now I had Brookie sacrifice herself for me. To clear up the confusion she wanted to quit the round Nicole was in the game and I convinced her not too. That was first bad move of the round.


My second horrible decision last round was to SPLIT the votes between Brenda and Woods. I had myself convinced I could trust Animal and I didn't think I needed to distrust Jermainey and Joe. In the end I allow myself to get played. We had five votes, FIVE VOTES!! We could have tied it if we put the vote on someone with past votes... So stupid and not only that if we really wanted too we could have used Nicole's extra vote. We played the round horribly and I feel stupid.


The one thing I can hold onto however is that at least I can learn from a mistake. I'm not perfect and I decided to trust the wrong people to maybe have more of a game experience. Coming back from it put me in an interesting position. It's not a fun one to be in but at least I now have an up hill battle and now something to achieve. There is something about being the under dog that is so appealing right now and maybe it's just my love for this game. I can't always be on top, girl needs to be on the bottom sometimes too! 

Right now I have loyalty that I have to trust and that loyalty is from Jedda and David. In order to take out someone who isn't me I need to hopefully make sure Woods doesn't win the challenge and in turn I have pretty much convinced Jermaine that the better idea to vote with us outsiders and take out Woods to cripple the new power alliance that has taken my place.

Woods has past votes, he was voted out in fact. Coming back from Redemption Island gave him too many perks. He got an amulet, he got to get the free-pass and he got to have plenty of rupees. The one thing he can't rid of is the fact that we got him out once, and now that one time could come back and take him right back again. The plan is to allow them to vote for me like the plan was to do and now to have the three os vote for Woods along with hopefully Jermaine.

Jermaine told me he's down... We'll have to see if he has the balls. I don't think he's stupid so I am going to go with all I have and that's blind trust. 

[reeki]

I haven't done this in awhile so I feel like maybe it is time to go through all the players left in the game and talk about how I feel about them.

Animal - This was someone who I despised throughout a major duration of the game. I felt like Animal only really tried with the people he kind of knew and he didn't sway much from what was already given to him before the game and/or around the beginning. We just were never on the right side of things together and we didn't have much of a reason to get to know each-other. In the end I didn't care to talk to him and I don't think he cared to talk to me. 

It wasn't till later that me and him talked and I think we both really liked each other on a personal not game level. We made a pact to work together and we put a lot of effort into getting to know each-other. I let him get the best of me and it was my fault and not his and if he makes it to the finals he will more then likely get my vote. I guess my only problem with him is now I know the type of player he is. People can call me the villain and say how nasty they perceived me but he is the one who knows how to lie, he's a good little villain disguised as the hero. However, good for him.

Brenda - This is someone who I thought would play the game with more integrity and to be quite honest put a lot more effort in. She doesn't take the time to really talk to anyone and beyond that she also doesn't respond to people for hours. If you're playing a social game you should actually be social but she relies more on the fact that not only is she a girl but people know she is goat material. Her position in this game is the ultimate pawn and the nice thing about her is when she chose who's pawn she'd be she decided to be fiercely loyal. 

She has more then once been shady in this game and it's sad because when she acts like that as she is half assing the game its depressing. I feel like there is no possible way to get her to work with anyone but Woods. I however ADORE Brenda and we will be friends after this game. It's just a game after all. She however would have had my support and I did trust her, she broke the alliance and in the end maybe it was a better decision for her.

Jedda - He was immediately my favorite person upon joining the game and we hit it off right away. Throughout the first part of the game he was a good ally and he was a big part of the Axis Of Evil. We hitting it off made it easy to work together but he was a very passive player who when he had a big bark and bite also wanted to be well liked by anyone. Being the adorable Australian who is not only just cute but gay this cast ate him up.

With the attention given to him he has swayed a bit back and forth throughout the game and has thrown me under the bus at times whether small or big. I still trust him, he's still my friend and he is probably my most important ally still but I just know that he is here to play for himself -- he was never my bitch, and I respect him. My hope is that he knows I have his back and for that hopefully he will keep having mine. 

Jermaine - When starting this game I felt like he had an amazing personality and I knew if given a good opportunity we would really get along. We were in an alliance early on but it was broken because I didn't trust Fei and knew she was double dealing and Greg/I were going to have conflict regardless no matter how well we could' have meshed at friends. Some people just can't be friends, it's too hard and too much work. Jermaine was close to them and it kind of rifted us. 

Now in the game Jermaine is my only hope of survival. I am hoping he is smart enough to keep on the train of thought that if he doesn't keep me he is playing the game for others to win. We don't play survivor for the success of others. We play it for our own success, for our achievements. He is on the outer part of his alliance and he better do something about it before it's too late. 

Joe - This is someone who on a personal level I get along really well with. However because of how shy he is and how he never wants to do Skype Voice even though he has an empty apartment to himself...well its caused a big problem for our relationship. I don't feel like I can get to know Joe past his words and he honestly could type to me anything and I wouldn't know how genuine it would be. He's like the nice version of a key-board thug. He can say and be whatever he wants and we just have to accept he's being truthful or real. He's playing the game with a blindfold on and he can't see past the present. It's day by day and anyone but him kind of strategy but he's going to turn around when some of us are gone and released he went from victor to pawn. 

I wish he would realize he is not going to win this game based on the choices he's going to make. I think he's a lost cause in the game for me, BUT, will be a friend at the end.

David - This is suppose to be one of my good friends in the game and I find myself getting more annoyed with him then I really should. He's a good guy and he does have my best interest at hand but he for sure gets carried away trying to be Switzerland. The fact he is a little older then everyone in the game kind of deludes him to believe that people see him in a certain way when they don't. If anyone keeps tabs on anybody it's that everyone keeps tabs on David and cross references. 

He's his own and our own worst enemy because he forgets that this can be real simple. Just be loyal and stop worrying about trying to get brownie points with people. The sides are chosen, the lines are drawn if he could just realize we can't try to sway everyone and that it needs to be a simple moves. I don't think he gets it and I hope he can keep it together without destroying the both of us. 

Woods - Woods is a very cocky and rude player. He is the first one to mouth off, the first one to accuse people of things that he thinks are true regardless of any factual information. He wins challenges and is openly all about himself and even then though he tends to talk a lot of shit not thinking people are going to tell the other people the stupid shit he says. He's a hot mess of a player and for being as ridiculously dumb as he is he does very well for himself.

Sometimes even the most disgrace of a player can really get their shit together and become a big thread. That's how I view Woods. He's a total douche bag extraordinaire and he is the perfect goat for any one of these people to take to the finals cause all could beat him.

He's the most fearful JOKE there is, sadly; I wish we could just send this Felicia out. Here's to hoping. 

[reeki]

It's so interesting to see how over confidence and ego can really show you how people really are. Even though Brenda and I use to talk a bit she is now never on or available, at least for me. The past two weeks I could talk to Animal all day and all night and at this point he has been quiet. Awkward for him I am sure that he put himself completely out there and was shown to be a liar. I would feel awkward about that. He did a good game move but he also didn't need to exactly get so invested in it, i think he knows that... that's why it's awkward. 

As for Woods and Joe they're both people who don't seem to care to talk to me anymore, they're in a better spot and that's all that matters. It makes them look like opportunists. Pretty much unless tonight's plan goes off as we hope no one is going to talk to me before I get voted out. haha.

It's okay though, I can socialize with tree's if I need too.